found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
