I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
