I wish I only lived at night.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
