Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
