You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
