she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
