guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
