College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
