That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
