Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
don't judge my taste in strippers
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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