playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
