we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
