It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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