no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
