I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize
