Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
