I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
