I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
