omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Pappa wants mamma naked
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
