Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
