She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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