i already hear my dad disowning me
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
