like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
