theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
