How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
