my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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