I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
3 2 1 whiskey
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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