So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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