take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
