Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
