she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
