i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
