I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
