Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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