do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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