so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
