I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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