Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
