Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Do vagina's smell?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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