So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
