I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
