Will you blow on my dice?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
