Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
