if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
