the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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