There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Never joke about your clitoris.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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