Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
honey bunches of taint.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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