I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
