we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
