um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
