I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
