only if we run a train.
done.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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