I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
