You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
