Tell her she can't have a vagina
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You ate ashes out of my bong
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Help. Why am I so naked?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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